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jesusluva
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Name: Elaine
Birthday: 11/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, playin sims, chillen w/ friends, singing........
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/8/2002
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| Wow! I can't believe it's been over a YEAR since I last posted! And what a year it has been. I finished my 3rd year of college. I'm starting my senior year in a couple weeks!! Sadly, though, I'm probably going to be a super senior and do the 5 year plan... I still go to SEMO. Things with my sorority are going pretty good, too. Last semester was a bit rough for me, but I pulled through! I was taking 18 hours, working two jobs, and I was on the judicial board for Sigma. Soo stressful, lemme tell you! I started working for the Missouri State Highway patrol back in November. Pretty exciting, huh? I work at the Troop E Crime Laboratory. I'm a temporary laboratory evidence technician. I'm basically the librarian/secretary of the lab. Agencies bring or mail evidence, I type in the case information into the computer, and then put away the evidence. They also pick up evidence. We've gotten some crazy stuff in at the lab! One time we received a TONGUE! Yeah, a tongue. A trucker found it on his truck at a rest stop and he didn't know if it was human or animal. The cops brought it in, and we determined that it was animal, thank goodness! We also get some disturbing cases, but I'm not going to talk about those. I'm living in an apartment now! Ironically, the last post I wrote was about how I couldn't decide where to live, and this past semester was the last semester I wanted to live on campus. So I called Cape Place, and I moved into an open room in May. Friday, I moved into a room for the next lease year. Talk about a stressful time! I worked sooo hard all day Thursday to make sure my room and the rest of the apartment I had access to was spotless. Cape Place gave us this extensive checklist that they said didn't actually include everything, and if anything wasn't up to par, they could fine you for stuff. Heck no! I was paying money just so I could move into my current location early, so I wasn't going to pay more money. Well, around 3 pm on Friday I got the keycard to my apartment, and the lady in charge said, "Now, this isn't the cleanest apartment..." And I thought to myself, "Oh geez, whats wrong with it..." So I head on over there, and my room was gross. There was crap on the floor, mold in the bathtub, water stains on the wall, and gum on the headboard! And the kitchen in the apartment was sooo gross!! There are flies coming out of where the garbage disposal is, an odor coming from the fridge and freezer, and food sitting in the oven. Ugh! I was to my breaking point when I was moving in.. I spent all this time and paid a bunch of money to hopefully get a good apartment, and I moved into one that was worse than the one I was already living in! My friend, Heise, was helping me move stuff into the apartment and he kept saying stuff like "aw, does someone need a hug?" Lol. I just wanted to give up. I haven't cleaned this kitchen yet, just because I'm still trying to recover from how much cleaning I did the other day... But I'm about to break down and do it. I have hardly made anything because I don't like venturing to that part of the apartment due to the grossness, lol. But I can't hide forever! August is coming back from Korea on Saturday!! And for good! No more Army!! I'm so happy! I know she really wanted to do the Army thing, but it has been a rough road for her, and it made me sad to see her struggle so much... Hmm. What else can I talk about? I'm sure I can come up with something, lol. Well, instead of coming up with something, I should just call it a night! "2am and I'm still awake.." ha ha. If there is anything y'all wanna know about, just feel free to ask! Lata! | | |
| Hey, hows it going?
So I'm at a crossroads right now...
This summer I was looking for an apartment in Cape. I was put on a waiting list for a really cool one (http://www.myownapartment.com/capeplace). Well, there were like 5 people in front of me, so I was like "nah, no one is going to opt out..." Since I didn't find any other apartment, I just resolved to stay in the sorority house... Even though I might get the boot. But today I got a phone call from the apartment - they have an opening in one of the cheaper rooms!! I would really like to get my own place... and it's fully furnished, each bedroom has their own bathroom and door lock for the bedroom.... everything is covered but electric, even cable WITH HBO! there is a pool, work out room... it's not that far from the campus. its very student friendly.
but if i move in there, then that means i will be forced to quit the sorority. and it would be cheaper, but sad all at the same time. we've just had a TON of people quit... and i don't want to let them down.
i know! i'll make a pros and cons list...
campus pro - on campus, (walking distance to classes), meal plan included
campus con - no year-round housing, shared room, shared bathroom, no closet space.
cape place pro - own apartment, fully furnished, mostly paid utilities, reasonable price for amenities included, private room, private bathroom, close to campus, most utilities included, overall price cheaper than on campus, year round housing, can pay w/ financial aid
cape place con - off campus, have to quit the sorority, need to buy decorative stuff (if wanted).
well, i think those are it? i need to make a decision today... i would like as MUCH input as possible!!
Thanx a bunch! | | |
| Wow.. Has it been forever, or what?!
Welp, I'm just sitting at work, scanning documents onto the computer... Gotta love it! Lol. Its the easiest and best paying job I've had so far! So I can't complain too much there.
I just got back a few days ago from a canoing/float trip on Current River. What a blast!! Man, I had soo much fun! And I got to hang out with the Soifua's for the whole weekend!
I've also started my night class... Applied Calc... blech! Its not too hard, though (especially since I've taken regular calc and this course is a previous one!).
Aight, well, I better get back to work! I'll try to post more frequently! | | |
| Katie stands at the top of the stairs
As she's leaving her father stares
What has she come to
Another boy she runs to tonight
Powerless he just shakes his head
Disapointed and off to bed
He won't be sleeping
Cause the hours she's keeping
are not right
She's asking a question
How will I be
After this next on eventually leaves me
And how can a man
Be all that they say
When all that i know
Is men run away
I think I lose just a little bit of me
In every man that I see
Danny's been out for seven days
Funny how he thought the price had been paid
On a past he hates to talk about
It's everything wrong about him
He goes back home to a battle field
Starts to drink as some kind of a shield
For the anger instilled in him
Their looks are killing him now
He's asking a question
How will I be
When it comes down to the end
And memories still haunt me
How can he have forgiveness that flows
When no one forgives him
Yet it's Jesus they know
I think I lose just a little bit of me
In this family that won't see
A crowed of confusion gathers round
Watching the light as he slowly goes out
After all they've talked about
Everything's coming out now
The anger turns to dead and gone
Heart's start to feel what feels so wrong
And as the time starts passing by
Hours turn to days in their heads
And they can still hear him say
I came for your questions
Of what you don't know
But you can't see the answers
Unless I go
So give me your hatred
And give me your diseased
Give me your tired
And I'll take them with me
Cause I'm hanging here
Losing every part of me
Just to open your eyes
To what you will never see
And to answer you questions
Cause there's no place I'd rather be | | |
| So it's like 4:30 in the morning... I've been up studying. Now, don't be thinking that I've pulled an all-nighter... I took a nap from like 1:30 to 5, so my hours are balancing out. I have spent the past 5 or so hours studying for my Quantitative analysis final. I've been listening to "Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)" by Chris Rice. It was played at my grandpa's funeral. I don't know if it was the stress of needing to do extremely well on this final mixed with the beautiful-ness of this song, but I practically cried half the time. I'm trying to not stress out, but things are turning out SO horribly this semester! And mainly only with just school. I'm pretty sure that I didn't even come close to raising my GPA up. If anything, I just drug it through the ground... All of the realities of everything I've been through this semester seem to hit, like, right now... If I didn't get a 79.8% on my organic final, I failed that class. If I do really bad on today's final, I'm going to send my grade into the F range, failing that course, also. I did bad on my organic lab final, which killed my grade in that class. The only thing I have to lean on or even be happy with is my German score, which is like B range. If I want any kind of credit at all for all the CRAP I've been through with the chemistry classes this year, I'm going to have to pay a lot more money to retake them again. That will put me even further behind. I'm seriously so FREAKING tempted to just say "HECK WITH CHEMISTRY!" and declare it as a minor. Then I can focus on German and all the little classes I need to take for gen. ed. If I can make off w/ a D in organic (which is technically still passing), I'll have enough credits for a chem minor to be finished... Which is not bad considering that this is only my 3rd semester here.
I just can't deal with this stress anymore. And I can't even blame it on the sorority or work. Its just that everything hit at once! It's been 2 weeks since my grandpa died. That is finally sinking in. I missed 2 tests the Friday it happened. The day I came back from the funeral and such (last Wednesday) I had an organic lab final. The next day (Thursday) I had a quantitative analysis exam. That Friday I made up my organic and german exams that I missed. Found out that weekend that I almost failed the organic lab final, and I failed the organic exam final. I had to work on Sunday from 5-11, so I had weird hours to study for my organic final the next day. I think I did ok on the organic final. I used up the whole 2 hours, and I was the last person left. I've been having to help move stuff in our room b/c both my roommate and I aren't going to be in it next semester. And I had to start packing stuff. And I worked Tuesday night from 5-10. I had my German final on Wednesday, and I think I did pretty good on it. I also got my test back from the other day. I got a 90/100! And that was w/o a rewrite! I was pretty excited. Still am, lol. And I was trying to study for quant this afternoon, but I ended up falling asleep while studying. Then I went to church because I needed to get out of this room. Then I came back and have been studying ever since. I realize just how much I can't seem to remember for this exam. So I've been working really hard to memorize all kinds of formulas and such.
And about the whole grandpa thing sinking in... I was taking a short break from studying, and I actually listened to the words of the song.
Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die. O, raise your head for love is passing by.
Come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus and live
Now your burdens lifted and carried far away. And precious blood has washed away the stain, so..
Sing to Jesus, sing to Jesus, sing to Jesus and live.
And like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl. And remember when you walk, sometimes we fall, so...
Fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus and live.
Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain. So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus and live.
O, and when the love spills over, and music fills the night, and when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus and live.
And with your final heartbeat kiss the world goodbye, then go in peace and laugh on glory's side and
Fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus and live.
Fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus and live.
The bolded is what hits home w/ my grandpa. And also the part about crying to Jesus. When my grandpa was upset about being sick a while ago, he told Mom that he kept praying for Jesus to take him then so he wouldn't have to go through the pain and suffering. This whole song, I think, just fits everything. And the analogies are clear and easy to understand and be able to apply to our own lives. I still just love the bolded lines... Every time I hear them (especially with the instrumental backup on the track) I get goosebumps and teary-eyed. And then I laugh because I can see my grandpa on his way up, as excited as a kid on christmas morning before they open gifts. And I can see him crossing the threshold and just being himself, as he was meant to be - without an oxygen tank, w/o dentures, w/o orthopedic shoes, w/o a cane, w/o the weird toilet thing, w/o worrying if he couldn't get out of bed or his chair... And laughing. Laughing a laugh I don't think I heard that often lately. I can see him just jumping around, praising God, just letting everything go. He's hanging out w/ Tony. They are catching up on everything. They are both meeting prophets and people from Bible days. And best of all, Jesus and God.
I still don't know why I just now am facing the reality. I think because this song just sounds funeral-esque but in an uplifting way... and I can remember when I first heard it in 'context'. I still can't believe he's gone. I almost wish that I could just tuck it into my many files so that I can move on. But he deserves more than that. Its just so hard to try to not act like it bothered me or upset me. But I know that I can't do anything about it, and that I just have to keep living, for lack of a better word. But I also hate getting the whole pity thing... Yeah, it happened, I get it. People keep asking me if I'm ok, and I really am... But I just don't want to think about it when I have really hard stuff (for me anyways) coming up that can be changed! Ya know?
Oh, I don't know... Oh yeah... I'm kinda glad about this upcoming final b/c it is just multiple choice and not based of a bunch of work...
Ooo! And Popeye/August passed her PT test, and she's coming home today! I can't wait to hang out w/ her! Congrats!! (If you still read this).
Ok, well, I'm in serious need of prayer right now, folks, and it would gladly be appreciated! Thanx!
Love y'all!
Elaine | | |
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